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Here’s Everything You Didn’t Want to Know About Meghan Markle’s Dad Preparing for the Royal Wedding

It was never for the money!

GETTY

Suits star Meghan Markle is set to wed Prince Harry on May 19th, the day after Deadpool 2 arrives in theaters. At the big event, Meghan’s estranged father, Thomas Markle Sr. will walk his daughter down the aisle. Well, he might. Maybe? Sort of? 

Our confusion on the matter stems from the fact that, while we’ve seen some photos of Thomas reading books about British history, working out, and getting his neck measured in preparation for the big day — acts that would normally be viewed as a father of the bride experiencing peak dad enthusiasm — it was recently discovered that those photos were staged. Gasp.

That’s right: According to Markle’s half-sister, she encouraged Thomas to stage the pictures in order to paint himself “in a positive light” ahead of the ceremony. For the family,  you know? 

This is a lot, so here’s a list of events that took place.

  • Everyone falls in love with Thomas Markle Sr. when they see photos of him working out on a beach near his home Mexico in preparation for the Royal Wedding.
  • Rumors surface that he isn’t even invited to the wedding because he and Meghan have a difficult relationship. 

  • The royal family clears all that up and assures the world that he will 100 percent be walking his daughter down the aisle on her big day. All’s right with the world, right? Wrong.

  • Prince Harry puts his neck on the line and tells the press to leave his soon to be father-in-law alone. He’s about to sink right to the bottom of this shit sea with a heart of gold like that.
  • With Thomas Markle’s cooperation, the photos make about $135,704. We know this because weeks later, security footage appears to show him coordinating the shots with a professional tabloid photographer
  • Megan’s half sister, who isn’t the biggest fan of her younger sibling, takes full responsibility for suggesting that her dad stage the photos, assuring folks everywhere that it had nothing to do with the money, and that even if he had been paid (she’s saying this like it would make any sense if she didn’t know he would be), the fee “would have been a pittance.”  

  • Thomas Markle will still be giving his daughter away at her wedding, despite this aggressively large heap of nonsense.

What’ll happen next? We have no idea but, man, is it fascinating.