Who has time for a three-hour-long commercial for anything? Unless there’s a lightsaber at the end of it, no one I can think of. But in addition to an epic Twitter thread, Disney has just dropped an insanely long video montage called “Basically Everything Coming to Disney+ in the U.S.” At three hours and 17 minutes, you’ve really got to linger on the word “basically,” because seriously, what was left out? Just for reference, this is roughly the same length as The Godfather, Part II, and Gone with the Wind. Even Scarface, arguably one of the most notable films of this era, clocked in at under three hours.
Interestingly, with this absurdly long commercial (they call it a montage, but it’s a commercial, come on) Disney somehow did not create the longest commercial of all time. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, that infamous honor goes to a Brazilian Old Spice commercial that debuted in late 2018, which, was somehow, 14-hours-long.
So, what is the point of the Disney+ 3-hour-long commercial? Is this mega-montage a low-key threat? What exactly are they saying? Am I being threatened? Netflix certainly feels threatened, I’m sure since Disney+ is clearly pointing out that it is trying to make Netflix irrelevant to families within a year.
Some might say that it’s simply stunt-marketing, but the length of the montage feels more braggadocious than that. It’s almost like Disney dipping into Scarface, swinging around a rocket launcher or something. As a working parent, not only do I not have time to watch a 3-hour-commercial, I’m also getting immediate FOMO because I can’t watch it. Just what am I missing out on not being able to watch all of this montage?
Obviously, this is the point. I’m meant to feel this way. Disney is saying: Watch all this stuff now in a montage, because next month, you’re gonna have to pay for it. And the thing is, they’re probably right.
Disney+ starts streaming on November 12.