No matter how tough you are, fatherhood is full of ball-busters that might prompt your partner to ask, “What the hell happened to you?” Surprisingly, the answer not always your kid. It could be Christmas’s fault — at least according to Consumer Product And Safety Commission (CPSC) data from over 1,700 holiday related hospital visits.
While toddlers experienced a disproportionate amount of injuries for eating ornaments (when there were cookies right there), a majority of accidents fell between those 25 to 55. So, you. Holiday decorations accounted for about 70 percent of injuries, and the most common wound was lacerations by broken bulb, knife, or chainsaw — because those trees won’t cut themselves down. Strains, sprains (and automobiles?) were a close second, followed by contusions, abrasions, and fractures. Essentially everything that went wrong in an episode of Home Improvement. There was also an understandable spike in present-opening injuries on Christmas day — because you need to give a heads up if you’re gifting a samurai sword.
Quartz pointed out a few specific dad injuries, which ranged from shooting yourself with a nail gun to hitting your head on a TV stand. If you’ve been there, you know these are not exclusively seasonal injuries. It’s still a safe excuse to leave those lights up for the rest of the year. And that’s a gift that keeps on giving.