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Everything You Need To Know About Parenting In 14 Tracy Morgan Quotes

Once upon a time, Tracy Morgan was just a raw comic from the Bronx who talked about impregnating entire rooms. America got to know his crazy style on  Saturday Night Live, with characters like Brian Fellows (just a guy with 6th-grade education and abiding love for all God’s creatures). Morgan’s humor could be genius (he won an Emmy for his portrayal of barely-fictional Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock). It could be in poor taste, like the ill-advised 2011 homophobic rant. Or it could be even more ill-advised, like Cop Out. Then, in 2014 Morgan was in a car accident that left him in a coma. Scary times, but fortunately for the comedy world, he’s back, rebuilding his career, contrite about his past comments, and ready to be the type of dad who can never keep his shirt on. Here’s his collected wit and wisdom.

On When They Ask For A Dog

“I have snakes, 3 sharks, moray eels, piranhas, 5 scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it’s cool to have strong and powerful pets.”

On Teaching Them About Diversity

“I have friends who are black, white, purple, gay, straight, Martian, yellow, old, and young. I have friends who are animals and a few who I believe to be robots. All of them are people to me. In my mind, it’s not about what you look like or what you do; it’s about who you are inside.”

On Looking Up To His Dad

“My father was the role model I looked up to. My dad was an entertainer, too. I patterned my life after him. He wanted me to do better than he did. He never sold a record in his life, but to me, he was still a rock star.”

Tracy Morgan And His Daughter

On You’re Probably Messing Up Already

“Sometimes I think we’re exposed to things we shouldn’t be exposed to too early. I think that sets the tone to a person’s whole life. Trauma.”

On Morning Routines

“Having boys is different. Boys, you put sneakers on, and they’re out, they’re ready. Girls, you gotta pay a little bit more attention to them.”

On #DadJokes

“Cool is the enemy of funny. You can’t be cool and be funny at the same time. Only Eddie Murphy could do that.”

On Having “The Talk” With Your Kid

“I don’t believe in storks. I know they don’t deliver babies; they deliver pickles.”

Tracy Morgan With Puppies On The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

On The IRS

“I got 5 kids – I claim 3 for income tax purposes.”

On Separating Public And Private Personas

“I have the person at home, the person who has his privacy, too. Michael Jackson didn’t do the moonwalk in his kitchen.”

On Dating Advice For Your Son

“If she’s not spoken for, and you come at her correctly, like a man, she’ll get with you.”

On His Artistic Legacy

“Most creative thing I’ve ever done? Got somebody pregnant.”

Tracy Morgan 30 Rock Season 2

On Making Amends For His 2011 Rant

“No matter what, if my son was gay, I’d treat him like a king. I wasn’t trying to say that’s how I felt.”

On Moving Them Into Their First Apartment

“Anybody who’s lived in the ghetto knows that you don’t move during the daytime. Here’s why: You don’t want anyone to know you’re leaving, and you don’t want anyone knowing where you’re going.”

On Being Available

“I deal with my sons like young men. If they have a problem with something, they come to me. I am the type of dad that will drop everything I am doing for them, and always tell them to talk to me about it.”