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One day I want to be a father.
Not today, not tomorrow … but one day.
It’s something I look forward too, but at the same time it’s something I’m extremely nervous about. Would I make a good father? How would I support a child? Then of course I think to myself, “F–k, Aaron. You’re 17. Chill.”
READ MORE: The Fatherly Guide to Adoption
I can’t help but wonder, though. It’s been something that I’ve been thinking about the past few years and as much as I try and think that world will just fall into place. But I know it isn’t that simple.
I was adopted from South Korea when I was 6 months old. As many adoptees know, the main reaction I receive when I explain that I’m adopted is sympathy, which has always felt odd to me.
I have a huge amount of respect for my birth parents. Giving up a child is probably one of the hardest decisions someone could have to make in their life, but they knew what was best for me. They knew they weren’t ready to raise a kid and they knew I would have better opportunities in another family. I’m forever grateful to them.
As many adoptees know, the main reaction I receive when I explain that I’m adopted is sympathy, which has always felt odd to me.
The past few years I’ve been focusing heavily on film and storytelling. Hustling, taking pictures, making films, working 2 jobs, and trying to get an edge before I head off to college for film.
To summarize, my social life is somewhat limited. A lot of people become (understandably) annoyed with me because I don’t afford a lot of time to hang out or be social.
The problem with my birth parents is they were not prepared. They weren’t ready to start a family. Things happen when we least expect them to. Life is crazy, full of twists and turns that we couldn’t possibly predict.
I dedicate so much of my time to my career, because I owe it to my future kids to give them what my parents gave to me.
Opportunity. Freedom to try whatever they want. I’m not looking to get rich. I’m not worried about how much I make. I’m in the game to be ready to let them have the opportunities my parents afforded me.
Some people might think I’m missing out on life with this kind of attitude, but I know my life has barely even started. My best years are ahead of me.
When it’s time, I want to be ready. I owe that to them.
Aaron Field is an aspiring filmmaker who writes about film and culture.