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The Great Baby is the Floating Baby Safety Meme We Need

USCPSC/Twitter

Who is the Great Baby and why are we just learning about them now? There’s a lot going on in Washington D.C. these days, so you’d be forgiven if you haven’t noticed the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (USCPSC) going all-in on a glowing, floating, black baby in a yellow onesie. The child, called Great Baby, appears in a meme tweeted by the agency on September 3, the start of Baby Safety Month. In the image, the Great Baby reveals themself to a random farmer and proclaims, “Listen closely, my friend. My time here is short because there are a lot of bugs and it smells like a swamp. Tell them to lay their baby on the back with no extra blankets and pillows, every time.”

In isolation, this one appearance of the Great Baby would have been bonkers. But the USCPSC wasn’t finished with Great Baby. Not by a long shot. Several more tweets featuring Great Baby followed. But it wasn’t until they were all compiled into a single tweet that people recognized that the USCPSC appears to have gone full-weird.

But it turns out, Great Baby has been years in the making. Way back in January of 2017 the same child appeared in a USCPSC tweet about keeping wire and cords 3 feet away from tots at all times. While the child had yet to make its transforming into Great Baby and visit the perplexed inhabitants of the earth, the kid is pictured developing Great Baby qualities — floating and glowing in a space-y bubble. One can only assume that the bubble the baby inhabited served as a kind of gestational cocoon, allowing the protean Great baby to come into the fullness of their being over two years later. 

But with the arrival of Great Baby in early September, the USCPSC also immediately began fighting doubt that Great Baby could even exist, going as far as posting a conspiracy-type video that repeated the phrase, “The Great Baby is Real.”

Sadly, the Great Baby appears to have gone too quickly, producing a handful of incredibly useful and helpful baby safety memes before going out on top with a compilation tweet now reaching some several thousand likes, far more than the USCPSC generally receives on a single post. 

And while we will wait anxiously for the Great baby’s return, we’ll certainly keep an eye on the other strange meme’s popping up on the USPSC twitter page, including glowing blowfish, ATV driving cats and mannequins getting damaged in a variety of grotesque and amusing ways. In the meantime, we’ll keep the words of the Great Baby in our hearts: 

“Listen closely, my friend. My time here is short because this tunnel is dark and smells like old salad.”

God speed, Great Baby. Come back soon.