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10 Expert-Approved Foreplay Tips to Get Sex Started Off Right

Because every good performance requires some preparation

Any good performance requires some preparation. Musicians do their warm-ups before hitting the stage. Athletes sign up for certain exercises before a competition. Speakers do their best to loosen up before heading into a presentation. The idea, at least, is to prime body and mind for the experience they are about to undergo. Of course, it’s worth applying the process to less organized endeavors, as well.

Most of us have established some sort of routine surrounding the way in which we initiate sex. Maybe we lean on a signature move to let our partner know it’s time to get it on. Maybe our approach centers on naughty messages, or “sexts,” as they’re now known. Or maybe, we simply strip down to our bare bits. Whatever the move may be, these actions and intentions all fall under the umbrella of foreplay. And foreplay, we know, is one of the most important ingredients to good sex. Still, sometimes recipes grow stale and you need to rethink the menu. Here then are 10 expert-recommended foreplay moves that help start things off right.

Stimulate Her From Afar

We typically associate the term “foreplay” with flesh-to-flesh encounters. We think about the stuff we do when already naked. But, remember, foreplay can commence even before these kinds of interactions begin.

“Don’t just begin the foreplay a few minutes before you’re hoping to have sex,” says Isabella Frappier, a holistic wellness coach who specializes in sexuality. “For most women, foreplay begins the moment the last sexual encounter ends, so carry that sexual energy through and hold it for her.” She suggests sending a few flirty messages throughout the day. Her sexting advice: “Send words of affirmation and compliment,” she says. “Remind her of all the sexual things you are excited to do to her.”

Seriously, Stimulate Her From Afar

Of course, there’s another way to entertain that kind long-distance loving for those aren’t exactly good with words. Smart vibrators are now a thing, and they can help us stimulate our partners from afar. Seriously. You can sync up most devices to a smartphone. Grab the code, ask your partner to get ready, and have fun controlling their buzz from far away.

Whisper Something Dirty In Her Ear

“Most women are very mentally wired, sexually,” says Frappier. Keeping that in mind, it’s worth entertaining some verbal activity before jumping into the physical stuff. Whisper something sexy into your partner’s ear. It will give her a mental map of where the evening is going. If you’re having a hard time coming up with original material, borrow a line from some of the erotic literature floating around the web. Once she wraps her mind around the experience, her body will follow.

Tease Her — And Yourself

Those moments of we-must-rip-our-clothes-off-and-get-down-to-business-now passion are great. But during more ordinary nights it’s important to not go for the gold right away. “Keep away from her genitals and breasts for as long as you can stand,” suggests Frappier. “Cover her body in kisses and light fingertip touches, watching and observing her closely to see what she responds best to.” As is often the case with real sex, the hungrier you are for it, the better it’s going to be.

Mess With the Senses

“Blindfold and tie up your partner to tease them and edge them,” suggests Stephanie Alys, co-founder and Chief Pleasure Officer of MysteryVibe, referring to the idea of bringing them close — but not fully to — pleasure. “This will heighten their other senses, tuning them into your every move and every touch.” If that doesn’t do it for you, bring in the reinforcements. Throw an ice cube into the mix. Tickle your partner with a feather. Experiment with pressure play. All are good ways to get the body primed for a new and orgasmic experience.

Bust Out an Erotic Massage

Unlike some other forms of foreplay, erotic massage allows you to hit the under-appreciated erogenous zones as well as the more explicit bits. It’s a full-body exercise, and one that will leave her primed for whatever else you two have planned. Consider using something like coconut oil, which can be used as both massage oil and lube.

Perform For One Another

You can learn a lot from taking a passive stance. “Ask your partner to touch themselves,” suggests Alys. “Watch how they like to be touched and let them watch you touch yourself.” Of course, it is also important to catch their gaze from time to time. “Eye contact during sex is important for releasing dopamine and oxytocin, the lust and love bonding hormones,” she says.

Take It Into Shower

Few places are better suited for a sexual encounter than the bathroom. After all, it’s a small steamy room designed to host naked bodies. Try bringing the erotic exchange into the shower. Get touchy, and get wet. Just be sure to follow these tips for great shower sex.

Go Down To Get Down

As we have reported on time and time, and – oh yeah – time again, penetrative sex is not a very reliable way to give a woman an orgasm. So why not do her a favor and get her off before intercourse begins.

“Oral is a beautiful way to help her relax and receive pleasure,” says Frappier. It’s also one of the positions that caters to clitoral stimulation. And the more of that she receives, the more likely she’ll be to attain orgasm. Of course, it’s not all about the clitoris. There are a lot of other places to entertain while you’re down there. Alys suggests heading for the perineum, the area between the genitals and the anus. “Don’t forget about this underrated pleasure point,” she says.

Bring In Good Vibes

Touch is an integral activity to incorporate into the sexual cycle. But, as humans, we have a limited ability with what we can do with it. Try introducing in a vibrator or sex toy to deliver even more intense stimulation.

“Vibrator technology helps to stimulate blood flow by relaxing and contracting the muscles and nerve endings,” explains Alys. “They can be used across different erogenous zones throughout the body. Try the back of their neck, their inner arm and their inner thigh, as close as you like to their genitals.”