Celebrate the Dissolution of Your Marriage With an Adorable Selfie
Marriages end. For any number of reasons, the invisible lines that hold people together fray and snap and send you spinning away from one another. It’s difficult, but it happens. A lot. But, sometimes, it happens amicably. Yet no matter how okay you are with your divorce or how consciously you uncouple, there are always going to be those pesky onlookers who will insist that you’re secretly (or not-so-secretly) miserable. How do you get these people off your back? You could simply ignore the unsolicited opinions of those who don’t actually know anything about your marriage and your life. Or you could prove them wrong with a happy and not at all uncomfortable divorce selfie.
Yes, that’s right. Former couples have started taking to social media to post photos of their trip to splitsville, and the internet has gone absolutely bonkers for the posts. Some can’t believe the awkwardness of it all; others applaud the mature treatment of a marriage’s end; still others hurl insults because that’s what’s done on social media. Whatever the feelings these selfies stir, the act itself begs a question: how do you snap a photo that’s appropriately thirsty without being exploitative? Here are six not at all professional tips.
1. Take The Photo Immediately After Ending Your Marriage
Why wait until you get home to take the photo when you can snap a pic right outside the courthouse? It shows that you are fun-loving ex-couple who knows not to take yourselves (or your marriage) too seriously. Snap a picture on location, and you’re guaranteed to get half the pity and double the likes.
2. Let Everyone Know You’re Fine. Really.
Divorce may be a tough situation for most couples, but not you guys. You’re super chill about it! And people need to know how cool about it you both really are. Really. This is when the caption comes into play. Make a light, fun inside joke, and toss in a few cliches for good measure. “Don’t be sorry it’s over, be glad it happened” is tried and true. But really make your use of disingenuous cliches your own. Because if that doesn’t convince people you’re okay, nothing will.
3. Whoever Looks Happier Wins the Divorce.
In divorce, like life, there are winners and losers. And while you and your ex know that you are both winners, the general public is going to want to take sides. Will you soar like a Kim Kardashian or sink like a Kris Humphries? Make sure your smile is big, that way people know that while you both are happy about the divorce, you are extra happy about it. People aren’t going to take the time to figure out this extremely delicate, nuanced situation, so your smile-level is the only way to let the world know you’re okay.
4. The Blurrier the Photo, the Better
You may have a supercomputer that takes professional-level photos in your pocket at all time, but does that mean your divorce selfie has to be good? Hell no! Add a DIY-flavor to the mix by letting your pic be nice and blurry. It will show even though you took the time to take a photo and come up with a caption to reassure people you couldn’t be more thrilled with your divorce, you ultimately DGAF. People will love the chill-factor.
5. The Guy Should Never Look Comfortable
Some people may think the fact that the guy almost never looks happy or comfortable in the photos may indicate they aren’t happy about their marriage ending. Or, at the very least, aren’t excited about the idea of taking a selfie with the person they just divorced to share with the entire world. But those people could not be more wrong! The noticeable discomfort is just a clever reflection of society’s own discomfort with this practice.
6. Throw in a Filter
Divorce selfies are obviously cool, but you know what would make them even cooler? If you both looked like cartoon dogs. Or you’re puking rainbows. Or letting people know the time or temperature. There is no wrong answer as long as you look within your disintegrated marriage to find your own divorce filter.
7. Start Planning Your Sologamy Ceremony
Your real marriage may be over, but your new fake marriage to yourself is about to begin! Make your friends and family dress up and come celebrate your commitment to you. Of course, there are some questions you need to answer before you know you’re ready to get solo married. Will your solo marriage be an open one? Do you have to stuff a piece of cake in your own face? That’s a conversation for another time.