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Want to Save Your Marriage? Get Two Duvets. Seriously.

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he doesn’t exist. Second-greatest? Somehow persuading Americans that one giant duvet for two people is the ideal sleep setup.

Ivy Johnson for Fatherly

Every night, in beds all across America, a war takes place. Loving bed-sharers are pitted against one another in a battle for cover supremacy, waging a nocturnal tug-of-war of which there are no winners. At its simplest, this bed-battle is about territory. It starts innocently enough. One person wakes up, realizes their partner has yanked the covers and left them with nothing more than a puny corner. They retaliate by pulling the bedding back. The other, sensing infiltration, responds in kind and burrows themselves deeper. On and on it goes.The situation escalates. Dirty tactics are used. Retaliations ensue. Both wake in the morning and greet one another with the dead-eyed resentment of combatants locked in a forever war.

There’s a better way. The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he doesn’t exist. Second-greatest? Somehow persuading Americans that one giant duvet for two people is the ideal sleep setup. The solution: ditch the king-size duvet for a set of two singles. This way, each person gets their own covering to use as they please. Your nights will be much more peaceful. And while, yes, you’ll still have to deal with your partner’s night noises and eye-watering morning breath, you will be that much closer to a peace treaty.

Two duvets are, simply, better than one. Much better. After years of bedtime skirmishes over blanket space, my wife and I recently made the switch and purchased a pair of single duvets for our queen-sized bed. We simply tuck one side of each blanket to our sides and edge of the bed and leave the other end untucked so there’s a flap in the middle. And let me tell you, dear reader, it’s fantastic. We each have our own territory and don’t wake up in the night ready to rage-smother one another with a pillow. A comfy line of demarcation has been drawn.

This also caused a ceasefire in another bedtime battle: the temperature skirmish. My wife gets cold. I run warmer. She’s annoyed that I’m too hot; I don’t like touching ice-cream container skin in the middle of the night. Now, with the two duvets setup, we don’t gripe at one another about these issues. It’s too early to tell but I think a peace summit may soon occur.

Fatherly IQ
  1. How hard has it been to convince your parents and in-laws to stay home during coronavirus?
    It was simple. They understood.
    It took some time but they listened
    It's impossible. They don't listen to me.
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Don’t take it from me. Take it from Scandinavians. Danish and Swedish couples commonly dress a queen- or king-size bed with two single-size duvets (or doona) to avoid any issues. The setup simply allows for happier bedfellows and guards against a number of nocturnal dilemmas: cover-stealing and temperature battles, yes. But also: night-farting, night-flailing, night-shin kicking — you name it. You both sleep soundly. And when the mood strikes or you just want to cuddle, you simply open the borders.

Do two duvets make laundry day a bit more complicated? Sure. There’s another set of sheets to wash. But there are always sacrifices for peace. The simple truth is that with this setup, there are no more all-night tug-of-war matches; no more trying (and failing) to unwrap a partner who has somehow, someway, burritoed themselves in blankets as they slept; no more mornings spent seething about your partner’s nocturnal cover-hogging tendencies, or the fact that sleeping next to them is akin to sleeping next to a just-nuked Hot Pocket. It’s bliss.