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The Dumbest Family Fight We Had During Quarantine, According to 9 Men

Covid-19 makes us bicker more. But that doesn't mean all fights are created equal.

The particular blend of anxiety, stress, and fear of the unknown that comes as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, mixed together with the stir-craziness of quarantine, virtual learning, financial worries, and all other ingredients, makes marital arguments pretty much a certain. No relationship, not even the happiest, is safe. We’re all adjusting, trying to handle our current situation as best we can. But even when there is effort, we will all butt heads and start fights. In retrospect, many of the things we fight about are, well, pretty laughable. Take it from these fathers, who all started arguments that looked ridiculous in the rear view. From fights about the correct pronouncement of La Croix to freak outs about ice cubes on the floor, here are a few subjects that caused quarantine arguments in these households.

I Couldn’t Stand My Wife’s Loud Talking

“When you live in close quarters, all sounds get amplified like crazy. My wife claims she doesn’t yell, but she does have a loud speaking voice. As we’re both working from home, I’m set up in the kitchen, and she’s in the spare room. A lot of my work doesn’t require any face-to-face virtual meetings, but hers does. So it just became a constant battle of asking her to talk a little more quietly so I could think, close the door a little, or move to a room farther away. I’m sure I didn’t say it that diplomatically, though, so we both yelled for a while. She argued that I should get headphones. I said she should get a condenser mic. I got headphones.” – Bryan, 37, Pennsylvania

I Lost it Over How Loud My House Is in the Morning

“I need like 20 minutes of quiet before I’m ready to engage with the world. I’m like one of those old TVs where you’d pull the knob, and it would take a minute for the picture to balloon onto the screen. It’s like a buffer period for my brain to fully turn on, so I can act somewhat intelligently, and start my day on a good note. My wife and kids, however, are all morning people. They’re up every morning, full-speed ahead, talking, moving, and just ready to attack life. About six weeks into the lockdown, I just snapped and said, ‘QUIET! QUIET! QUIET!’ The kids got upset. My wife got upset. We argued about that for pretty much the rest of the day.” – Will, 37, Michigan    

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There Were Just Too Many Coffee Mugs

“I have two coffee mugs. My wife has about 12. They’re all arranged pretty precariously in this one kitchen cabinet, and sometimes it’s like Jenga trying to get mine down. One morning, I reached for it, and one of hers fell, hit me on the forehead, then broke on the counter and cut my hand. She came out to see what had happened, and I just lost it. I screamed that she doesn’t even use half of them, that there’s no reason we need so many, and stuff like that. I shouldn’t have yelled, but I was having a rough morning, and the fact that I was nursing a fresh, bloody wound didn’t do my temper any favors.” – John, 35, Oregon

We Fought About How Much Mess We Need

“I like a clean house, but I’m also okay with a bit of clutter here and there, especially with kids, and during a time like this when everything just seems crazier by the day. My wife has different feelings about clutter, and gets really anxious and upset when, like, I’ve got work stuff spread out on the table. One night, she blew up at me about the clutter, and we fought about what defines a ‘messy house’ for like an hour. I was so pissed that I stormed off and cleaned the house from top-to-bottom. Like all night. I think I was up until 3 am. I hear my kids talking about ‘rage quitting’ video games when they lose and get angry, so I decided to call that ‘rage cleaning.’ I should have just done it.” – Neil, 39, California

I Cooked For Myself, Not My Family

“Usually, this isn’t an issue. But we definitely went quarantine crazy one night when there was a miscommunication about dinner. I like to eat early, while she and the kids like to eat later. So, when I said I would cook dinner, I thought it was clear that I meant I would cook my dinner. Like, ‘Don’t worry about me, I can find something to eat. No big deal.’ When we do all eat at the same time, she’s usually the one who cooks. So, while it’s definitely not her job, she’s sorta become the de facto cook. That night, she thought I meant I was going to cook dinner for the family, and got really frustrated when that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t a huge fight, but it was definitely a dumb one to have.” – Damian, 41, Maryland 

A Cardboard Box Started It

“My wife had to ship something for work, but we didn’t have a correctly sized box. She was going around the house for like an hour, testing boxes, and then sighing and cursing when the stuff didn’t fit. I sell a lot of stuff on eBay, so I know how to cut down bigger boxes to make them different sizes. I was in the garage when she was huffing and puffing about another ill-fitting box, and I offered, ‘Hey, if you want some help, I know how t…’ She slammed the door to the house right in my face before I could finish. I thought that was really rude, and she claimed she didn’t hear me speaking. We argued for about 20 minutes trying to figure out the truth, until eventually I just cut down the box, gave it to her, and solved the problem. She did say, ‘Thank you’ and apologized for getting so worked up.” – Brian, 38, Ohio

I Couldn’t Understand the Appeal of Tiger King

“My wife loves the show. I think it’s complete garbage. I got about ten minutes into the first episode, and was just so disgusted with everything. The people, the treatment of animals, and the sensationalist trash it was peddling. So, I refused to watch it, and would just get up and leave the room when she turned it on. She got upset that I didn’t want to spend time with her, and I said, ‘I do want to spend time with you, just not while you’re watching that shit.’ Then it turned into an argument about me thinking less of her because she watches it, and thinking I’m better than her friends and family who watch it, and just all kinds of chaos.” – Matt, 34, New York

The Proper Way to Pronounce “LaCroix”

“It’s ‘La-Croy’. The website even says it’s ‘La-Croy’, which rhymes with ‘enjoy’. So, there’s no debate. Except in our house, where my wife insisted it was pronounced like ‘La Kwah’. Her source? ‘I saw it on Facebook.’ I don’t know what was more infuriating, the fact that she just refused to accept the answer from the actual company itself, or that she thought, ‘I saw it on Facebook’ is a reason to believe anything. I was definitely way more upset than she was. She was laughing at how heated I got (which only made me more pissed), but I just couldn’t stand her unwillingness to agree with me. Can you tell quarantine has driven me crazy?” – Darren, 33, North Carolina  

The Purpose of a Barometer

“So, we decided to binge watch ‘Full House’. In the Tanner’s living room hangs a barometer. It’s definitely a barometer. There’s one episode where they actually say it’s a barometer, which is how this whole thing started. My oldest son, who’s 15, insisted that a barometer is just an old thermometer. Like an antique thermometer. Upon hearing that, first, I was just baffled. When I corrected him, though, and told him that it’s used to measure air pressure, not temperature, he got all insolent and bratty about it. So, his ignorance, coupled with his attitude set me off. Twenty minutes of arguing flew by, and I had a moment of clarity where I just thought, ‘Is this really happening? Am I arguing about the definition of a barometer?’ I threw my hands up and quit. He can keep being an idiot about that one. I don’t have the strength right now.” – Jay, 45, Florida