The Very Best Dad Jokes To Bring On the Groans

Dad jokes shouldn't be something you're embarrassed about. Own them.

Dad jokes aren’t an affliction that happens to dads, they’re a credo. Dads (and non-dads) should ever be ashamed of #dadjokes. Instead, if you are a father, you should be worried if you don’t know enough good dad jokes. Like, if something completely punny and absurd doesn’t really strike you as funny, then seriously, how did you create another life?

You ever heard the saying: “A corny joke doesn’t have to have any kernels in it.” Well, it’s not a real saying. But it feels like it, right? And that’s the beauty of #dadjoke — that wordplay makes you self-satisfied and makes your kids want to disappear under the dinner table while your partner rolls their eyes. It’s one of the perks that comes with a lifetime membership to the dad club, so make sure you have a good groaner for every occasion.

The Animal Kidding-dom

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted

Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles.

Fatherly IQ
  1. How do you decide what to buy when back-to-school shopping?
    I stick to the PTA list
    My kid tells me what they want
    I decide for my kids
    I search for the best deals
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Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A:  Spoiled milk!

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.

Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
A: The kitty pool.

Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.

Q: How can a leopard change his spots?
A: By moving

Sounds Of Science

Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.

Q: What is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold

Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!

Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.

Q: Did you know that Milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved

Pop Culture

Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.

Q: How do celebrities stay cool?
A: They have many fans.

Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
A: 1forest1

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale

Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs

Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.

Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A:  To get his quarter back.

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ Drizzle

Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.

Hard To Swallow

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe

Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg.

Dada Base

Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.

Q: Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?
A: He thought he could socket to him.

Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?
A: They work on so many levels.