Fatherly’s Best Dad Jokes For (Almost) Every Occasion

flickr / Ben Barnett

You know that old saying, “Where there’s a will there’s a way?” That’s a pretty good one. Another good saying? “A corny joke doesn’t have to have any kernels in it.” Yeah, that’s not a real saying. But it feels like it, right? That’s the beauty of #dadjoke — that wordplay makes you self-satisfied and your kids want to disappear under the dinner table. It’s one of the perks that comes with a membership to the dad club, so make sure you have a good groaner for every occasion.

baboons posing for photoThe Animal Kidding-dom

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted

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Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles.

Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A:  Spoiled milk!

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.

Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
A: The kitty pool.

Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.

Q: How can a leopard change his spots?
A: By moving

Sounds Of Science

Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.

Q: What is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold

Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!

Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.

Q: Did you know that Milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved

will-smith-fresh-prince-of-bel-airPop Culture

Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.

Q: How do celebrities stay cool?
A: They have many fans.

Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
A: 1forest1

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale

Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs

Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.

Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A:  To get his quarter back.

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ Drizzle

Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.

Hard To Swallow

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe

Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg.

father lifting baby in the airDada Base

Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.

Q: Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?
A: He thought he could socket to him.

Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?
A: They work on so many levels.

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