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Julia Barnes for Fatherly

The Very Best Dad Jokes to Bring on the Groans

Dad jokes shouldn’t be something you’re embarrassed about. Own them.

Though fatherhood has changed greatly in recent history, one sacred pillar remains a constant: the dad joke. As many have discovered before us, the secret to great dad jokes is not to try too hard to be funny. It’s all about the casual delivery and inevitable silence before the audience realizes what corny joke or pun they just heard. There’s a fine line between dad jokes and bad jokes that lies mostly in the delivery. Dad jokes are a little corny, sure, but that doesn’t mean they’re not legitimately funny. When delivered confidently and at the right moment, they lighten the mood, bring down everyone’s defenses, and encourage the audience not to take themselves so seriously. After all, a sense of humor is a parent’s best weapon. These dad jokes, about animals, science, and food, are sure to bring on the laughs, if not groans. Use them wisely.

Funny Dad Jokes About Science

Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.

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Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.

Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!

Q: What did the Photon say when asked if she needed to check a bag?
A: No thanks, I’m traveling light!

Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.

Q: Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.

Q. Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano?
A. It’s just so lava-ble.

Q. What kind of music do the planets listen to?
A. Nep-tunes!

Q. What did the big flower say to the tiny flower?
A. Hey there bud!

Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Q. What did Mars ask Saturn?
A. Hey, can you give me a ring some time?

Funny Dad Jokes About Food

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.

Q: What did the baby corn ask mama corn?
A: Where’s my pop corn?

Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed get off the hill?
A: It was on a roll.

Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg.

Q: Why did the onion get flustered?
A: It saw the salad dressing.

Q: Why is the hot pepper the nosiest vegetable?
A: It can’t help but get Jalapéno space.

So-Bad-they’re-Good-Dad-Jokes

Q: What was the child who wouldn’t nap guilty of?
A: Resisting a rest!

Q: Why is that cemetery so popular?
A: People are just dying to get in there!

Q: How do I look?
A: With your eyes.

Q: What is the least spoken language in the world?
A: Sign language

Funny Dad Jokes About Movies and Pop Culture

Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.

Q: How do celebrities stay cool?
A: They have many fans.

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.

Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
A: 1forest1.

Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.

Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.

Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.

Q: If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, what would they be called?
A: Alloys.

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ Drizzle.

Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.

Funny Dad Jokes About Technology

Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.

Q: Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?
A: He thought he could socket to him.

Q: Why did the computer have no money left?
A: Someone cleaned out its cache!

Q: What’s a computer’s favorite snack?
A: Microchips!

Q: Why was the robot so tired after his road trip?
A: He had a hard drive.

Funny Dad Jokes About Animals

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted.

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.

Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke.

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles.

Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk!

Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
A: The kitty pool.

Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.

Q: How can a leopard change his spots?
A: By moving.

Q: What did the duck say when it bought chapstick?
A: Put it on my bill!

Q: What does a cow use to do math?
A: A cow-culator