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The Very Best Dad Jokes to Bring on the Groans

Dad jokes shouldn’t be something you’re embarrassed about. Own them.

Julia Barnes for Fatherly

The definition of a “dad joke” is as complicated as figuring what the best dad joke is. For non-dads, a good dad joke is a contradiction in terms. Dad jokes are inherently bad on purpose, right? Well, yes and no. Dad jokes are cheesy, but that doesn’t mean they’re not funny. Still, some dads might feel like they are capable of finding the best dad jokes within them, which is understandable.

And that’s where this list comes in. Below, grouped by a few random categories — science, animals, pop culture — we’ve compiled some of the daddlyiest dad jokes around. Obviously, you don’t have to admit you found the jokes here. We honestly won’t tell. But do let us know if these jokes don’t bring on the groans. That’s what they’re supposed to do.

Sounds of Science

Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.

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Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.

Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!

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Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.

Q: Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.

Pop Culture

Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.

Q: How do celebrities stay cool?
A: They have many fans.

Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
A: 1forest1.

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.

Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.

Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.

Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ Drizzle.

Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.

Hard to Swallow

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.

Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg.

Dada Base

Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.

Q: Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?
A: He thought he could socket to him.

Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?
A: They work on so many levels.

The Animal Kidding-dom

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted.

Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke.

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles.

Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk!

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.

Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
A: The kitty pool.

Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.

Q: How can a leopard change his spots?
A: By moving.