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The Very Best Dad Jokes to Bring on the Groans

Dad jokes shouldn’t be something you’re embarrassed about. Own them.

What are the best dad jokes in the world? The problem with answering that question is you kind of have to consider the source: Dads think dad jokes are funny, so it’s hard to know if they’re right. Then again, if we think dad jokes are funny, then they are, right?

Dad jokes aren’t an affliction that happens to dads, they’re a credo. Dads (and non-dads) should never be ashamed of #dadjokes. But what makes a good dad joke? Further, what makes the best dad joke? Here’s one thing we know for sure: If a one-liner that is completely punny and absurd doesn’t strike you as freaking hilarious then, seriously, are you sure you actually created another human being with your DNA?

Here’s a collection of the best dad jokes we’ve been able to find, grouped by insane pun-laden categories. Take your pick!

Sounds of Science

Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.

Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.

Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!

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Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet.

Q: Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.

Pop Culture

Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.

Q: How do celebrities stay cool?
A: They have many fans.

Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
A: 1forest1.

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.

Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
A: Snowballs.

Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.

Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
A: Fo’ Drizzle.

Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: Pick a cod, any cod.

Hard to Swallow

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
A: Because they cantaloupe.

Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
A: A deviled egg.

Dada Base

Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
A: Data.

Q: Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord?
A: He thought he could socket to him.

Q: Why are elevator jokes so good?
A: They work on so many levels.

The Animal Kidding-dom

Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted.

Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke.

Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: 10 tickles.

Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk!

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.

Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
A: The kitty pool.

Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.

Q: How can a leopard change his spots?
A: By moving.