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Everything You Need To Know About Parenting in 8 Neil Patrick Harris Quotes

You probably know Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson, Doogie Howser, or that guy who hosts all the award shows, but his most important role is being a father to his 5-year-old twin children, Harper and Gideon. Though Harris plays cringeworthy womanizers on TV and in film, he’s actually a pretty tame gay man, happily married to fellow actor David Burtka. NPH handles parenting the way he does everything else, with plenty of sarcasm, well-staged Instagram pics, and the occasional musical number.

On Their Future Job Prospects
“They’ve managed to get all of their fingers into their mouths, sometimes just their thumb, unfortunately they keep gagging on their own fingers … I figure they’re going to be supermodels!”

On Who’s “Daddy”
“Well you know when it’s two blokes with kids, you aren’t sure who’s called what, so rather than Daddy 1 and Daddy 2 like some Doctor Seuss book, it seems better that he’s daddy and I’m poppa.”

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On What He Calls Burtka
“I just think partner is the strangest word, I meet grown businessmen and, he’s like this is my partner Jim. I don’t know if they’re in business together, or if they’re a gay couple, or if they’re cowboys.”

On Unconventional Sleep Training
“They sleep 13 hours a night. Here’s the trick, a staple gun. They realize they’re pinned at the ears, at the fingers, and at the toes, and they sleep.”

On Gender Neutrality
“When Harper was one or 2 years old and barely talking, she would put on Disney princess outfits (which she still does, by the way). Everyone would coo and take pictures. Gideon felt left out, so he put on a dress too. We all cooed and aww-ed and there was no weirdness. But after about 4 minutes, you could see it: He just didn’t like it. It was too girly, too frilly, and he just took it off, like, ‘Nah, this is not my thing.’ Lately he’s been wearing construction vests and hard hats, and he asks construction people if he can work with them. He couldn’t be happier.”

On Getting Real About Thomas The Tank
“Thomas is very fast but not the fastest because Thomas is a E2 class engine, which was made for short haul freight journeys and shunting.”

On Tweeting and Teething
“Sorry I haven’t tweeted lately. The monkeys are teething, and drool is everywhere. As it turns out, the iPhone is not a great pacifier.”

On Adapting
‘You have to be adaptable because they constantly keep changing. They’ll do something that blows your mind and then they’ll spit all their food out on the carpet.”