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Everything You Need To Know About Parenting In 8 Jon Stewart Quotes

Jon Stewart signed off from The Daily Show after a 16-year run, leaving loyal viewers misty eyed and wondering where the hell they’re going to get the news from. Stewart is the greatest political satirist of a generation, but at heart he remains a comic, and comics — as has been proven time and time … and time again — love to riff on their families. In that spirit, here it is, Fatherly’s moment of zen; 8 of Stewart’s greatest parenting insights, presented with the hope that all his newfound family time will be fodder for even more. Thanks, Jon.

On The Promise Of Every New Child (And Their Parents):
“Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.”

On The Importance Of Family Dinners:
“I don’t have any specific plans [for retirement]. Got a lot of ideas. I got a lot of things in my head. I’m gonna have dinner … on a school night … with my family. Who I have heard, from multiple sources, are lovely people.”

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On Raising More Than One Kid:
“They somehow have worked out a system where one of them is awake at all times. I think they must be trying to raise money for something.”

On The Simple Things That Make Kids Happy:
“The thing I love about them is their joy, their exuberance. My boy will dance when he sees something he likes. We’ll be walking down the street and he’ll just start dancing and I’ll be like, ‘That’s mulch.'”

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On Whether He Wishes His Kids Were Growing Up Like He Did:
“No. That’s why I’ve been working so hard.”

On How Kids Behave (And Why You Should Never, Ever Take Them To McDonald’s):
“If you think the 10 commandments being posted in a school is going to change the behavior of children, then you must think ‘Employees Must Wash Hands’ is keeping the piss out of your happy meals. It’s not.”

On Respecting Your Elders:
“We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.”

On The Next Generation:
“There is a tendency to live in a nostalgic state in this country, and to think that other generations possessed an integrity and a tenacity greater than the generation that is now. I wholeheartedly disagree with that. I believe that this is a group that will rise up to any challenge that comes before them as well as any other generation in America would have done.”

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