The Urban Dictionary is a crowd-sourced effort to identify and define all the words in the English language that those stuffed shirts at Merriam-Webster are too snooty to recognize. The vast majority of these words have been entered by stoned teenagers, with the level of humor and command of grammar that you might expect from them. Does that mean all the dad-related terminology therein will make you wince and object? Probably. Does that make the following 11 examples even slightly off the mark? Regrettably, no.
The guy who criticizes everything you ever do, never admits he’s wrong in front of you, the guy who ejaculated into your mom, the human bank machine, the only straight guy who ever cares for you but never admits it.
Me: Can i drive today?
Me: Oh come on.
Dad: If we die itz your fault.
Me: I got my ass kicked at school today.
Dad: You loser.
Me: They stole my lunch money, too.
Dad: Man you’re the biggest mistake i ever made.
Dad: Come on son lets go and hurt does guys then lets go to a buffet.
The parent that takes the most shit. Sure, if you had a shitty father, then go ahead and bitch, but not all of us did. Some of us had great fathers, who really loved us, and weren’t assholes. Honestly, if you could see how much damage a mother could do to one’s self esteem, you wouldn’t even place so much blame on “dear old dad”
Dad: Oh, nice. I spend all my life to raise a family, and buy them a house, and then my wife divorces me, and takes the house that I paid for, and my kids, so she can go off with some other man, and treat my own children like shit. But at least I got a tie for Father’s Day, that makes up for everything.
A Dad that is extremely cool no matter what his teenager thinks.
Man … your Dad listens to Evanescense? He is so Dadadelic!
The verb of being a Dad. Small children have no concept of “fatherhood” or that the man who looks lovingly into their eyes is related to them genetically. They only know this person as Dad, Daddy, Dah-e, depending on the age of your child.
Dion was daddin’ today.
Dad Deal in ActionGroupon/Flickr
A deal or a bargain only a dad would find in a hardware or home improvement store, such as Home Depot or Harbor Freight. Such deals include power tools 90-percent off, or lumber to build that deck in the yard for 75-percent off.
Dad 1: Hey Jimmy! Did you see the Dad Deal they had in aisle 6 next to the cordless drills? 60-percent off Milwaukee 3/8th drive 18v cordless impact gun!
Dad 2: No I didn’t see that yet! I was still in aisle 4 looking at planking for the deck with Bobby Turner. You remember Bobby Turner from down the block? He came by because I’m just going to put the planking on the roof and hang out the window to hold it down instead of tying it down.
Dad 1: Oh Bobby! I remember Bobby! Bobby The Boobie Bobber we used to call him!
Dad 2: That’s right! Craftsman hand tools!
Dad 1: Steaks for dinner!
Dad 2: Beards.
Dad 1: American muscle cars erg.
After a long day at work. Dad’s just gonna blaze some serious cheeba and blow mad clouds while falling asleep at the TV.
Dad’s not talking to mom but he’s laughing at the Letterman show, and I don’t get it. He’s blowing some serious dad cloud.
The Dad BroTehmoneyshot/Imgur
A dad who involves himself in his son’s and friends’ activities. He’s at least 40 and thinks he’s young, cool and one of the bros. Stocked with all the tools and toys; e.g. boat, weights, PS4, big screen TV, stainless steel BBQ grill, motorcycles, etc.
Common activities include: gym workouts with his son and friends, boating, mainstream sports, watching pay-per-view mixed martial arts, pool parties, chilling at the beach, attending major sporting events with his son, friends and their girlfriends.
Dad Bro! When are you gonna take us to wakeboard at Lake Tahoe?
Dadbodding is drinking a 6-pack of Coors, smoking darts, and eating a full pepperoni pizza in a sitting.
Its Friday, wanna go dadbodding?
Dad AvenueKurt Bauschardt/Flickr
The long row of benches found in many malls and shopping centers, on which fathers and husbands frequently wait for their respective children and spouses.
My daughter decided she wanted to go into Hot Topic and buy more slutty clothes with pictures of a TARDIS on them. I’m going to park my happy ass out here on Dad Avenue.
An over-large bite (bigger bite than is socially acceptable) that someone takes from your food when “trying” it. So called because dads are the main culprit, but this can be applied to anyone.
Hey can I try your sub?
As long as it’s not a dad bite
Chris Pratt’s Dad Bodvilifiedwalrus/Imgur
The weirdly attractive belly that hot dads develop after becoming dads.
Look at that flab, hanging over his belt, what a daddy belly!
Jonny Greenwood is the king of the daddy bellies.