Stock photography of fathers is usually cheesy and outdated, but what if these poorly dressed, wildly gesticulating men actually know things you don’t? Here are 8 examples of stock dads straight-up nailing their roles as providers, mentors, and caregivers — and there’s more where these came from. The next time you’re having trouble getting a point across, try a Google image search for “How to talk to kids.” You might learn something about communication. Or about awesome hair.
Efficiency in the home means never wasting a moment. Just because you’re dressed and ready for work doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the opportunity to iron another shirt. That’s just how you do.
When a child misbehaves, a waving finger is an effective tool of communication that can be improved with a very slight mullet and a passing resemblance to an Oakland A’s outfielder circa 1990.
Restraining a toddler without a car seat should only be attempted by fathers, as mothers lack the physical strength to safely apply this technique.
A progressive father makes sure to take his federally protected family leave time to help care for a newborn child. A progressive boss waits until the second cup of coffee before interrupting it.
Always have “The Talk” in a kitchen to ensure the child’s emotional discomfort is matched by physical discomfort. This will help them focus on your wisdom, experience, and careful reenactments using household fruit.
A father’s obligations begin before his child is born. He should regularly see to the mother’s comfort and provide massage, emotional support, and finger puppetry as needed.
Having a newborn is no excuse for ignoring the basic tenets of fashion, like ensuring your tie matches your shirt and wallpaper.
“Take Your Child To Work Day” opportunities should always be embraced, but refrain from telling the child that his hard hat will do nothing if a brick falls from that scaffolding back there.