There are plenty of complicated reasons for why you and your spouse might have issues, but there are some really simple ones, too. Everyday resentments – about how much you work or how much more the kid likes her or whose turn it is to dump the diaper pail – can worm their way into your relationship and cause disproportionate grief. Marriage counselor Claire Hatch calls this the Cycle Of Resentment, and it starts with a trigger event that reminds you of unmet desires, followed by negative conclusions, painful feelings, reactions and new unmet desires. It’s a feedback loop that, once you understand it, is easy to tease apart and productively communicate about, which Hatch says could save you a trip to the couples therapist. Considering that she’s financially incentivized to have you make that trip, that’s quite an endorsement.