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The Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino is an Insult to Limited Time Menu Items

Fast food that’s only available for a limited time is supposed to be sacred. The McRib. The Shamrock Shake. The Pumpkin Spice Latte. Those regular menu items will be there tomorrow, but this is special because it’s ephemeral. Today, as Starbucks announced the limited run of Unicorn Frappuccino, America is learning sometimes a short run is a good thing. The fantastical beverage will be available from April 19-23 at participating stores in the U.S. and Canada, and features a sweet cream base, mango syrup, pink powder on whipped cream, and a mystery-flavored sour blue syrup. It’s also supposed to change colors as you drink it. This might seem silly, but to a kid, a Unicorn-inspired pink beverage might as well be an all-expenses paid trip to Sesame Street. Before parents go out and fill their kid with this mythical, colorful — and above all questionable — drink, Fatherly decided to bravely test it out and see if it was worth the cost: specifically $5.17 and 410 calories. The general consensus? Absolutely do not buy this drink for you kid. Not because it’s unhealthy (although with 59 grams of sugar it definitely is), but because it tastes awful.

Most of the time, disappointing food and drinks are either too bland or too offensive to the taste buds. The Unicorn Frappuccino is the rare item that achieves both. The vanilla flavor is boring, the berry flavor is slightly sour, and the powder’s tangy taste is the last thing whipped cream needs. Also? It barely changed color. It would be one thing if Starbucks had swung for the fences and created an ambitious disaster. Instead, they went for the middle and somehow failed to even find mediocrity. It’s enough to get everyone to admit that unicorns aren’t real, magic is a lie, and everything is terrible! But at least there’s always coffee.

 

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