It’s rare that coffee comes with a warning beyond “don’t talk to me until I’ve had it.” But for Stiff Bull, arguably the manliest coffee brand on the market, the Food And Drug Administration is worried about a lot more than chatting. It turns out that the herbal coffee is capturing a little too much of your male essence, and contains a chemical similar to Viagra. Although that’s one way to become a morning person, the FDA has concerns beyond you seducing their wives.
The main issue is that Stiff Bull contains a chemical called desmethyl carbodenafil, which is structurally similar to sildenafil — the active ingredient found in FDA-approved boner pills like Viagra. While they might not appreciate the coffee competition, the press release warns that this “undeclared ingredient may interact with prescription drugs and men’s blood pressure to dangerous levels.” Men with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, and horny spouses are especially at risk. Don’t worry, having kids reduces your risk of wanting to have sex at all, so that evens things out for you.
Given the coffee’s name, website, and slogan “The Relationship Saver,” it’s clear this effect is not an accident. If it were any more intentional they would’ve named it Morning Wood. Well, mission accomplished, because it’s now landed itself on the FDA’s list of Tainted Sexual Enhancement Products, which would raise the drink’s street cred if it wasn’t one of 3 coffees already on the list. Alas, the list is still a fun and pun-filled morning read over your regular coffee.
[H/T] Inside Hook