In-laws are, regardless of whether you like yours or not, an obligation that comes with marriage. And it should come as no surprise to anyone that has seen a movie in the last two decades that a lot of people struggle to navigate these relationships. After all, in-laws have expectations hopes, and dreams that may conflict with the reality you represent. They also like your brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and dog-in-law more than you. The good news is that having trouble with your father-in-law or mother-in-law doesn’t mean you’re in an unhealthy relationship. It just means you have work to do — and probably need to get some perspective.

Fatherly put together this guide to help make managing these relationships easier. You might be wondering how to deal with in-laws you hate or ones you feel hate you. Maybe your in-laws are overbearing, or you’re anxious about get-togethers during the holidays. It happens. We’ve talked to therapists and relationship experts to figure out how you can keep yourself from losing your mind when it comes to in-laws. Here’s where to start.