You know that the actual pain of yanking a tooth is nominal and the anxiety about the pain of yanking a tooth is what you’re kid is really freaking out about, so go ahead and just explain that to them … How’d it go? No? OK, here’s Plan B: 11 tooth-pulling hacks that are so ingenious, your kid will be way too busy being impressed with how cool their dad is (or, you know, just distracted by all the stuff) that they won’t even realize the tooth is gone until you hand it to them.
And if it all goes sideways, just ask the Tooth Fairy to butter them up with a few more shekels.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #1: The Nerf Dart
All credit to you, dad, given that your daughter clearly isn’t sold on this idea until a split second after the tooth is gone. Then again, use one of these suckers next time around and she won’t even realize you’ve pulled the trigger.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #2: The Olympian
How does a Olympic gold medalist in the javelin pull his kid’s tooth out? With a javelin.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #3: The Sling Bow
There are more videos of kids going Katniss Everdeen on their teeth than you might think, but to up the redneck quotient you need a sling bow — that’s a cross between a slingshot and a crossbow, for the uninitiated. And to up production value, you’ll need some super slo-mo, like so:
Tooth-Pulling Technique #1: The Katniss Everdeen
Speaking of Katniss Everdeen …
Tooth-Pulling Technique #1: The Blackbeard
Not a method available to all dads, but for those with a well-trained parrot (and a generally lax attitude toward sanitation), the Blackbeard provides double the distraction. In addition to the whole animal in their mouth thing, when your kid starts screaming you can just shout back, “Aaaaaahhhrrrrrrrr!” and confuse the hell out of them.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #1: The Little Brother
Because tooth pulling should be an activity the whole family can enjoy.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #1: The Rory McIlroy
First of all, this guy must have one hell of a yard to crank a ball like that right off his doorstep. Second, if your kid’s tooth looks like that after you pull it, put the clubs away and get him to a dentist.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #1: The Fetch
Because it’s about time the dog started doing something around here.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #1: The Camaro
When you’re ready to up the redneck quotient beyond the sling bow by a factor of, like, 30. And don’t act like that car could have a license plate from anywhere else.
Tooth-Pulling Technique #9: The Future
Does the FAA know you’re pulling teeth with that thing, dad?
Tooth-Pulling Technique #10: The Greatest Of All Time
Seriously, whatever badass tooth pull you were about to claim … don’t.