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How to Take Your Toddler Out To Eat

Taking your toddler out to eat at a restaurant for the first time can be a special kind of chaos — one that’s tightly mixed up in your pathos about clinging to last shred of your pre-child life (since you may not have been to a movie or concert in 16 months). While that’s futile, you’re still going to try. Eating at a restaurant with a toddler doesn’t have to be a nightmare if you keep these simple tips in mind:

1) Get a booth, because you and your partner can control that territory through physical domination.

2) Horde the silverware, because toddlers and sharp metal objects should have a strict, as-needed relationship.

3) Learn to eat one handed, so you can keep close guard on the silverware.

4) Finally, consider having your meal served to you in a doggy bag right off the bat. It will hasten the inevitable retreat when your kid grabs a knife, slips under the table and reemerges charging at some random diner’s Achilles.