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A Biological Explanation For Why Doing Housework Might Get My Husband More Sex

The following was syndicated from Medium for The Fatherly Forum, a community of parents and influencers with insights about work, family, and life. If you’d like to join the Forum, drop us a line at

Dads, would you like to have sex with your wife more often? Chances are that she wants to have sex with you too, but biochemistry is getting in the way. The sooner you can understand this simple science lesson and make a few simple changes, the sooner you can get more intimacy back in your life.

There is a hormone called oxytocin that is best known for being released during childbirth, breastfeeding and orgasm. It has been nicknamed “The Tend and Befriend Hormone.” It is also released during any nurturing type of activity.

Imagine that your wife has an oxytocin bucket. When the bucket is full, there is no room for any more and no reason to try to fill it any more. If she is breastfeeding, her bucket gets some added every session. Every time she tends to the children, it adds oxytocin to the bucket. As she cooks dinner and engages in any other types of behaviors to nurture the family, more is added until the bucket is full. Once full, there is no room for the oxytocin from orgasm, which means no sex for you!

Think of every time she has had to perform a task that you simply could have done yourself and understand that you were cock-blocking yourself.

If you want sex more often, you just need to make sure that her bucket doesn’t get full. How do you do that? Simple, don’t rely on her to do little things that you are capable of doing yourself. Put your clothes in the hamper, help clean up the table and kitchen after meals, change the toilet paper roll when it’s empty, or simply ask what she needs help with. Think of every time she has had to perform a task that you simply could have done yourself and understand that you were cock-blocking yourself.

I know there are some men reading this that think they already do a lot around the house, but pretty much all evidence suggests you are wrong in thinking that. Still not convinced? Here is a study that reveals how unhelpful most husbands are around the house.


I’m not here to debate you on how much or how little you do around the house. I’m just saying there is a very simple solution if your wife seems disinterested in having sex. If you want more sex, do more to help around the house. Don’t let the oxytocin bucket fill up!

(*To the father of a baby being breastfed who thinks a good solution is to have your wife stop breastfeeding: you are a special kind of douche bag who doesn’t deserve more sex. It’s selfish of you to put your needs above your baby, and you don’t deserve your wife or baby either! I had to add this because I know there will be a few.)

Danielle Miller has a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology/Child Life and is a Doctor of Chiropractic. She practices at home these days as Dr. Mom with her one-year-old daughter. She recently moved to a new city and started blogging to help her not feel so isolated. You can read more from her below: