Summer is here and a family trip to the zoo is as inevitable as all the silly questions your kid is going to ask when you get there. Why do ducks quack? Why do hippos swim? Why are all the dads so mad? The latest meme taking over the internet reminds you that the easiest answer is to blame God. With a Twitter account and 196k followers, God certainly doesn’t mind a shout out on social media.
The following tweets will meet many of your animal explanatory needs, all while filling your kid’s head with hilarious misinformation. Don’t worry, they’ll get revenge by mercilessly heckling your cargo shorts.
[god creating jellyfish]
how bout an evil bag
— horny rae jepsen (@themiltron) December 26, 2015
[god inventing horses]
make a sexy donkey
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) June 17, 2016
[god making bats]
GOD: just like a hairy black potato with wings
GOD: also it sleeps upside down like an idiot
— jackson (@tricycle_champ) March 10, 2015
[God inventing the hippo]
How bout a fat horse that's always trying to sneak up on you in a pool pic.twitter.com/OadbNojhqQ
— tater tot bros (@thetits) March 7, 2016
[inventing the parrot]
HOW ABOUT LIKE A TYE DYE CHICKEN WHO SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU
— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) February 18, 2015
[god creating snakes]
how about a sock that's angry all the time
— horny rae jepsen (@themiltron) November 21, 2015
[God creating dogs]
Oh these turned out great. Im going to want all of these back at some point
— Ygrene (@Ygrene) March 31, 2016
[god, creating ducks]
Just like put a surfboard mouth on a big pigeon and make it like a loud idiot. I don't know
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 15, 2015
When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.
— Nathan of Ulysses (@duplicitron) May 18, 2013
[god creating whales]
"I want a fat blue piece of shit with a 20ft dick and it sings underwater. Also get me a beer. No wait five beers"
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) December 16, 2015
[god making pandas]
GOD: cow bears
GOD: did i fucken stutter
GOD: take it a cow and make it a bear
— jackson (@tricycle_champ) May 15, 2015
[god creating bees]
Put a needle on its butt.
“Come on God, wha—“
Make its puke delicious.
— horny rae jepsen (@themiltron) April 8, 2015
[God creating a turkey]
God: Make it like a shitty brown peacock…
Animal technician: Anything else?
God: Hang a nut-sack on it's face lol
— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) June 1, 2015