The Final Countdown

The “I Can Overnight This, Right?” Gift Guide For Your Kids And Spouse

If you still need to get holiday gifts, it’s possible you’re a bad father/husband/ boyfriend, but there’s no time to dwell on that now. Here are 18 options for kids curated by age, plus a few ideas for significant others. They’re all available to arrive tomorrow, which will cost a pretty premium but price can be no object under these circumstances. As for your father/husband/boyfriend status, well … New Year’s resolutions are right around the corner, aren’t they?

Green Toys My First Tug Boat, $13
At this age, a boat that floats is enough to captivate a kid for hours and this one is made entirely of recycled milk jugs. So, your kid is mesmerized and you’re saving the world through commerce. Win, meet Win.

Tobbles Neo, $27.25
Sort of like Jenga for sausage-fingered little kids who are still developing motor skills and spatial awareness, Tobbles Neo teaches basic physics and an appreciation of really large ice cream cones.

Prince Lionheart Wheely Bug, $51.47
Even if your kid is too young for a balance bike, you can still get them hooked on the sensation of gliding with a wheely bug. It comes in 6 different animals, and you can’t choose wrong unless you don’t choose the Cow.

Horton And The Kwuggerbug And More Lost Stories, By Dr. Seuss, $9.49
Deep cuts from recently rediscovered basement tapes, in which Horton jams with Keith Richards and Jimmy Page … wait – actually, these are just reissues from Dr. Seuss’s time as a monthly Redbook columnist in the 70s. They’re still awesome, though.

Studio Stinky Stackable Playon Crayons, $17.33
If your kid hasn’t developed the fine motor skills necessary to manipulate normal crayons, the Playon Crayons can help. They’re designed to be gripped by tiny hands and will turn every low, white wall in your house into a canvas for self expression.

KidKraft Teepee Tent, $119.95
When little kids are stuck inside on a rainy day, blow their minds by pitching this tent and turning the inside of your home into the outside of their teepee. It’s the next best thing to controlling the weather.

FAO Schwarz The Big A-To-Z Animal Puppets, $112.38
Because the only things that teach kids the alphabet more effectively than stuffed animal letters are stuffed animal letters that you can make talk by sticking a hand up their butts.

Outside The Lines: An Artist’s Coloring Book For Giant Imaginations, By Souris Hong, $12.34
Featuring the work of famous street artists like Keith Haring and Shepard Fairey, Outside The Lines may inspire your kid to begin tagging their preschool. So, teach them to look for the police first.

DuneCraft Dome Terrariums, $16.32
Your kid thinks this is a year-round, indoor garden for them to play with; you know it’s a clever way to ensure the kitchen always has fresh herbs without you having to do anything but gift wrap it.

Toymail Wifi Walkie Talkie, $59.99
Toymail connects to your home’s wifi router and reads message that you send, out loud, to your kids. They can then send a response you’ll receive through the Toymail app. Basically, it’s the same thing as a phone call, but with delays and an adorable talking mailbox.

Magna-Tiles, $120
Magnetized triangles and squares that teach useful things like pattern recognition, fine motor skills, 3-dimensional building and symmetry, Magna-Tiles also let you build little glass houses so you can teach your kid not to throw stones in them.

Robot Turtles, $19.99
The “most backed board game in Kickstarter history” is actually a simple visualization of the Logo programming code that will either fast track your kid for MIT or just a zoology program with a strong turtles department.

Moff Band, $54.99
This wristband can be programmed with an app to make all sorts of noises – from a clashing sword to a guitar power chord to a swooshing golf club – and effectively turns household items into awesome toys. It’s like Star Trek tech, if it was invented by a 6-year-old.

MakeDo Space Pod, $109.99
Small plastic hinges that can be used to turn scrap cardboard into a full-sized space ship, MakeDo provides the instructions and kid-friendly tools. All you need is that pile of boxes you’ve accumulated from Amazon in the past month.

Makey Makey, $49.99
Makey Makey is a circuit board with sensors that your kids use to turn anything into a touchpad, which interfaces with a computer. The inventors like to cite their “banana piano” as an example (and it is awesome), but the possibilities are about as endless as the internet.

Orbotix Ollie, $99.99
A deceptively simple robot that’s controlled with an app, Ollie is faster and more agile than you’d ever expect and comes programed with a bag of spinning and flipping tricks. It will delight your kids and terrorize your pets.

Mountain Boy Sledworks Ultimate Flyer, $139.99
Bringing the Ultimate Flyer to your local hill is the sled equivalent of pulling up next to a Ford Fiesta in a Ferrari. The kids in the plastic saucers and toboggans won’t know what hit them.

Orion StarBlast Telescope, $259.99
Encourage your kid to reach for the stars with a telescope that lets them explore the sky from their bedroom. Maybe, when the planet starts dying in a few decades, they’ll use that knowledge to save everyone like Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar.

Book Of Unknown Americans, By Cristina Henríquez, $15.78
A new novel about the immigrant experience that The New York Times calls “unfailingly well written and entertaining,” Book Of Unknown Americans will spruce up her bed-side table and give her a leg up on her book club.

Nike AOP Athletic Leggings, $44.99
The era of yoga pants has passed, so get her leggings with enough flair to be worn well beyond the gym, and enough function to provide a solid base layer for a workout. Plus, they make her legs look good.

Diptyque Feus de Bois Candle, $60
What makes her like one candle and hate another one is like Schrodinger’s cat, so don’t go looking for an answer. Just find ones that you can handle – like this wood fire-evoking number – and hope for the best.

FitBit Charge, $129.95
FitBit’s latest activity tracker addresses all the limitations of their earlier, stripped down versions with a small screen that lets her see stats in real time. She’ll be so into the new functionality that she’ll forget to be mad about the implication of workout gear as a gift.

Redeployment, By Phil Klay, $16.17
This National Book Award-winning collection of short stories is considered by many to be the best book written about the soldier’s experience in Iraq and Afghanistan over the past decade. It provides crucial perspective on a generation of veterans now acclimating to civilian life.

Mighty Mug, $36
An ingenious design creates a powerful suction between the bottom of this mug and any flat surface, which is only broken by a natural lifting motion. It cannot be knocked over by kids, by balls thrown by kids or by kids being chased by other kids throwing balls.

Polaroid Cube, $99.99
A POV camera with a magnetized surface for super-simple mounting, Polaroid’s Cube shoots 1080p video through a 124-degree wide angle lens. If he wants footage of his skydives, use a GoPro; if he wants footage of his kid’s first ride without training wheels, use a Cube.

Kindle Voyage, $199
The latest, greatest Kindle features black and white screen resolution so high, it’s compared favorably with the printed page. Whether he’s already a Kindle loyalist or an analog holdout, the Voyage will blow his book-reading mind.

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