Parenthood is a minefield of cruel ironies. The latest for your consideration: you won’t get a good night’s sleep until your kid is old enough to sneak out while you do so. There’s a cottage industry around trying to correct that, presumably launched by other frustrated and bleary-eyed parents, with products designed to do everything from measure your bedroom’s optimal sleep conditions to help your kid sleep through the night. If you’d prefer to deter their antics by simply staying up all night, good luck with all that — coffee’s in aisle 4.
Like a Fitbit for your mattress, the paper-thin Beddit band hides under your sheets tracking your total sleep time, sleep cycles, deep and light sleep duration, awake times, heart rate, ambient sound, and snoring. You then use an app to view those insights and accordingly set ambient sounds, smart alarms, and sleep goals. The results are a more refreshed you and a whole new definition of performing in bed.
Misfit Beddit Sleep Monitor with Smart Alarm ($150)
Definity Digital Awake & AlertDefinity Digital offers specially calibrated bulbs to help you fall asleep or feel alert and refreshed naturally. You don’t necessarily need the Awake & Alert bulbs to achieve the former — just stop pphubbing your partner in bed with blue light-emitting, melatonin-inhibiting electronic devices. For the latter, the bulbs keep you energized and ward off seasonal affective disorder by releasing just the right amount of that same, misunderstood blue light. There’s a time and a place for everything. Except pphubbing.
Definity Digital Awake & Alert ($42)
This sleep tracker records light, sound, and temperature conditions from your nightstand while synchronizing relaxing sounds with your breathing to help slow it down and get you sleeping soundly. The app collects data to help you optimize your sleep and see how you rate against averages for your age and gender, so you can brag to people that you can literally beat them in your sleep. Only at sleeping, but still, people love that.
S+ By ResMed ($100)
Neuro:OnSleep masks: not just for the old lady stealing your armrest on the plane anymore! This smart mask accurately measures sleep waves, eye movement, muscle tension, heart rate, and blood saturation, then minimizes post-wakeup grogginess and keeps you alert by waking you up with an “artificial dawn.” That sounds like an upgrade over “authentic screaming child.”
Neuro:On ($299, Pre-order)
NuyuFor some guys, it’s too much light. For some, it’s their partner’s jimmy legs. Still, others can nocturnally sense if someone has even breathed in the direction of the thermostat. If that’s you, then Nuyu is for you(you). It cycles water through a torso-sized pad that keeps you at the ideal temperature based on your circadian rhythm and settings you log into a connected app. You still own that thermostat, though.
Nuyu Sleep System ($500)
SenseThe Sense ball sits on your bedside table recording data about your bedroom environment (light, temperature, humidity, and noise) while the Sleep Pill attached to your pillow monitors how you’re sleeping — nearly, restlessly, soundly, or … not. The two units provide data on your sleep cycles, insights to improve them, and the ideal time to start waking you up each morning. The only thing it doesn’t do is get your kid on the same cycle.
LullyNight terrors are a specific kind of awful for parents — like nightmares but way more physically violent — that occur when preschoolers and toddlers fall into a deeper than normal sleep. Lully learns your kid’s sleep pattern, and then stimulates them with gentle vibrations at specific times to keep them at a healthy depth of sleep all night. It’s been clinically proven to work, which, unfortunately, is more than you can say for your hugs.