A Die Hard Christmas

Finally, Somebody Turned ‘Die Hard’ Into A Holiday Kid’s Book

It's even written in the style of 'Twas a Night Before Christmas."

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Just because it’s an illustrated children’s book doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be at the top of your holiday list. A Die Hard Christmas: The Illustrated Holiday Classic is a just-announced hardcover book that retells the story of John-McClane-versus-the-terrorists in the style of the poem, “Twas the Night Before Christmas.” And if unwrapping it on Christmas morning doesn’t make you yell “Yippee ki-yay, motherf*ck*r!” in yuletide joy, then nothing under that tree’s going to bring you holiday cheer.

Written by author and comedian Doogie Horner ⏤ who claims to have seen Die Hard a whopping 102 times ⏤ and illustrated by JJ Harrison, this 32-page telling of the action-packed tale you’ve come to know, love, and memorize is filled with mildly violent but vibrant illustrations and playful, rhyming narration. The drama jumps off the page with lines like:

“But John killed Tony with the very small feet and sent him to the terrorists as a yuletide treat.”

“He put a Santa hat on the German, and, eyes all aglow, wrote “Now I have a machine gun, ho-ho-ho.”

“The explosives were wired to the rooftop with care in hopes that the hostages soon would be there.”

A Die Hard Christmas A Die Hard Christmas

And while definitely still not great for younger kids, it’s at least better than letting them watch the original movie. Or, god forbid, A Good Day to Die Hard, which was absolutely terrible.

The book hits stores on October 17 and Christmas trees on December 25. It can currently be pre-ordered online for $15.

Buy Now $15

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