Parenting requires endless empathy, constant ingenuity, and gallons upon gallons of caffeine. If you’re happy with whatever hot, dark liquid they serve in your local gas station, then these 10 products are not for you. If you suspect that you didn’t find Junior eating the dog’s food quite as funny as you should have because your morning brew was slightly off, then break out a credit card. You’re about to seriously up your coffee game.
IKAWA Home Coffee Roaster ($690)
When shaming your friends for their unevolved palates and brewing methods no longer gives you that warm, smugly satisfied feeling, take your snobbery … er, connoisseurship … to the next level by roasting your own beans at the tap of a smartphone button with the world’s first digital micro-roaster.
Moustache Coffee Club (Subscriptions Vary)
Simply put, these guys are the freshest subscription coffee service you’ll find. They roast and ship their single-origin, in-season beans on the same day. Delivery is so fast they actually put a “Start Drinking” date on your coffee just to make sure you don’t brew it too soon.
Hario Ceramic Coffee Mill ($27)
Conical grinders are one of those next-level tools you don’t think you need until you taste a cup of coffee brewed with beans that were ground in one, because hot water extracts fuller flavor from evenly ground beans. Don’t sweat the manual nature of Hario’s grinder — it uses the exact same muscle group you built up carrying a newborn around in one arm.
Poppy Pour-Over (Price TBD)
Pour-over might be the superior brewing method, but it … is … sloooooow. Poppy erases that single drawback by pairing a precision pour-over function with an app-controlled scheduler that means you’re no longer tied to the counter and kettle each morning. It will even order itself new beans, water and coffee filters from Dash by Amazon when it senses you’re running low.
Hario V60 Buono Kettle ($76)
Ok, fine, you don’t want to automate your pour over ritual because that’s when you meditate. The V60 is sculpted to achieve the perfect pour over, and provides the only automation you need: it shuts itself off when the water starts boiling.
Bruer Cold Brew Coffee Maker ($80)
There’s a big difference between a velvety smooth, non-acidic cup of cold brewed coffee and the watered-down mess you create by chilling the hot stuff and plopping in a few cubes. Bruer perfects otherwise messy homebrew methods that require multiple filterings with it’s slow-drip process.
Wacaco Minipresso ($50)
This thing packs the same 116 PSI as a traditional piston-driven espresso machine into a 6-inch cylinder you can throw in your backpack. That’s pretty incredible, but what’s more impressive is it manages to solve perhaps the most first world problem in history: the lack of quality espresso options while camping.
Nespresso Pixie Espresso Maker ($200)
Nespresso’s fastest machine takes just 25 seconds to heat and is small enough to fit in all the places you probably don’t have time to brew the perfect pour-over, like your office. Or your bedroom. The machine only works with proprietary capsules that taste superior to the average K-cup and are eco-friendly to boot. Double snobbery for the win!
Mighty Mug ($35)
All you need to know is Mighty Mug cannot be knocked down. The only way its Smartgrip Technology releases is if you lift it straight up to take a sip, which works out great because that’s the only thing your kid will absolutely never think to try.
On-Off Mug ($9)
Hot liquid makes this mug turn from black with “OFF” in white letters to white with “ON” in black letters so your coworkers can know if your brain has begun functioning and your kids can know whether it’s safe to approach you.