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Confessions Of The Worst Dad In The World

The following was syndicated from Medium for the Fatherly Forum, a community of parents and influencers with insights about work, family, and life. If you’d like to join the Forum, drop us a line at [email protected].

I have a confession to make: I’m the worst dad in the world.

At least that’s how I’m perceived in the eyes of my 6-year-old, who was sentenced to an early bed time tonight. He got 10–15 (hours) for felonious refusal to clean up our shit show of a living room. The jury returned a quick verdict and his lawyer tried to appeal, but the decision was upheld.

It may sound strange, but as a parent you know you’re doing a good job when your children tell you they hate you, that you’re so mean, or that you’re “the worst dad in the world.” If you aren’t hearing these things, it probably means you’re doing something wrong.

Please take note, however, that the same thing does not apply to your marriage. If your wife is always saying you’re the worst husband in the world, you may want to look into a divorce lawyer or get on Tinder. Just saying.

Anyways, I asked him to clean up the living room he and his sister systematically destroyed and he refused, which prompted me to tell him — very patiently might I add — to take his lippy ass upstairs to his room and not come out so help me God or I’ll pummel him with thunderous blows.

And then when Emma started helping me clean, I called up to him and told him that I was going to go to the store tomorrow and buy her a toy and get him nothing. Actually, I told him I’d buy a garbage can and that’s where I’d throw all the toys he cherished most in the world.

Yep, worst dad ever.

However, I have to give the kid some credit as a few minutes later he tells me he needs to come out and give me something. He hands me this:

It melted my heart so much I immediately took a pen and wrote on the back of it.

If you enjoyed this post, try Jason’s book, You’ve Got to be Shitting Me: One Man’s Nine Funniest Poop Stories. You can read more of his posts here:

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