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How I Used Dinosaurs To Improve The Most Annoying Kids’ Song Of All Time

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If you are anything like me, you can only seem to hold 3 or 4 children’s songs in your head at any time. I can’t stand listening to children’s music on the radio or at home either, so my repertoire is largely what I remember from childhood or overhear from others. After the twentieth time singing “Old MacDonald,” I had to find something new.

At first, I started adding verses:

Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o
And on this farm he had an Ostrich, e-i-e-i-o
With a peck peck here, and a peck peck there
Here a peck, there a peck, everywhere a peck peck
Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o

After exhausting every animal I could think of and from the Bronx Zoo’s website, I got even more desperate. This is when I found inspiration from the decor in the boys’ room. It is entirely dinosaur themed. I began adding dinosaurs into Old MacDonald’s farm:

Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o
And on this farm he had a T-Rex, e-i-e-i-o
With a roar roar here, and a roar roar there
Here a roar, there a roar, everywhere a roar roar
Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o

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At this point I realized that either Old MacDonald was a liar or he was working for a top secret agency. So instead, to broaden the boys’ cultural knowledge, I modified the entire premise.

This led me to:

Old John Hammond had a park, e-i-e-i-o
And on this park he had a Brachiosaurus, e-i-e-i-o
With a sneeze sneeze here, and a sneeze sneeze there
Here a sneeze, there a sneeze, everywhere a sneeze sneeze
Old John Hammond had a park, e-i-e-i-o

And thus the following verses were born.

T-Rex: Roar
Velociraptor: Honk
Dilophosaurus: Spit
Triceratops: Moan
Gallimimus: Jump
Parasaurolophus: Butt

Now this still didn’t carry us through a full diaper changing, so more context and characters were needed, so I went beyond the dinosaurs and added the best characters.

Jeff Goldblum: Life will find a way
Samuel L Jackson: Hold on to your butts
Newman from Seinfeld: Ha ha ha, you didn’t say the magic word
Raptor guy: Clever Girl

Sure, these stretch the limits of decent phrasing in the song, but the boys seem to appreciate them. Creativity is very important to children. Mine will either be dinosaur experts by 2, or get sick of daddy’s bizarre sense of humor by then. Or most likely both.

Tyler Lund is the editor of Dad on the Run.