home alone rockin around the christmas tree
Merry Christmas, You Filthy Animals

Video Investigates How Deadly Kevin McCallister’s ‘Home Alone’ Traps Really Were

Home Alone may be one of America’s favorite Christmas movies, but the plot itself does raise some concerns. There’s just something about Kevin McCallister’s ability to set deadly traps that makes the movie sort of seem like the prequel to The Good Son. And a test from the team at Vsauce3 points out why you don’t want your kid to get any ideas from Home Alone: They could go to jail.

The video investigates the swinging paint cans, crowbars to the ribcage, and other booby traps Kevin sets for the surprisingly immortal Wet Bandits. Their conclusion? The crowbar and more notably, the bludgeoning from the paint cans, would’ve killed Harry and Marv. As for that doorknob? It would’ve likely burned the house down, killing everyone in it. Do they serve cheese pizza in juvie?

In a separate analysis, Motherboard had an EMT evaluate the booby traps from Home Alone 2 and found that the exploding toilet would’ve at least singed off Harry’s scalp, if not sent him to his fiery death. Oh, and there’s no way Marv would’ve survived a brick to the head without a little Christmas (and movie) magic.

home-alone-trap-map

Still, even if Kevin is a little sociopath (blame Buzz…and probably Uncle Frank, too), this breakdown of the McCallister’s finances in the original and sequel suggest that his dad could at least afford a good lawyer. Kids: never leave home without them.

[H/T] Nerdist